


The Window to the Sky

by HoshisamaValmor (HannibalCatharsis)



Series: A dysfuncional family [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Backstory, Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Child Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Harm to Children, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Canon, Violence, Young Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), baby levi, canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-09 08:59:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7795561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HannibalCatharsis/pseuds/HoshisamaValmor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three moments when Levi dreamed of a sky in their Underground bedroom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dreamt of an image that might be really cool illustrated. I love dreaming about stuff I like and getting ideas from them, so I figured if not drawing, I could write a story around Levi and Kuchel.
> 
> Written on paper and with several inspirations that I hadn't thought I'd have.
> 
> Also, I am used to Portuguese baby talk, but I can't quickly come up with the equivalent expressions in English, so I'm sorry if it's odd. The advantage of baby talk is that, well, it's adorable either way.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Shingeki no Kyojin, obviously.

 

No brothel in the Underground was a place for a child to be born and raised. Arguably, the Underground was no place for a child to be born, period. But they were, and brothels were also places that had far more children than they should ever have.

Many prostitutes, being forced one way or the other to be in those circumstances, prefered to mind their own business or to gossip about the others, while the other half favoured bouds of convinience between them. Rarely friendship, but convinience was the appropriate and expected reaction in such places, and children tended to be the easiest and most natural reason for these bonds.

Kuchel was more than eager for the client to go away so she could quickly go to the room at the end of the corridor, where Sophia was. The man hadn't been too rough until the end, when he had hit her across the face because Kuchel said he had to leave. He hadn't taken it too happily, but he was dressing up and preparing to leave, so there was hardly anything she would mind him to do now if it meant he was gone.

When the door banged behind him, Kuchel sighed in relief and immediately pulled back the bedsheets, a small effort to hide the remains of what had taken place, and sprinted to open the door again and get as much air in the room as she could. Not minding the people that might catch a glimpse of her, she splattered her face and quickly scrubbed herself with a small pot of water. She didn't use a sponge, as she always saved it for Levi's baths. When she was finished, she exited and went across the corridor, the only thing on her mind right now. Some meters before, she could already listen to the muffled delicious baby voice through the door, her lips curling up instinctively, and she tap the door and opened it, her smile turned into a wide squeal of happiness.

"Hi, mommy!" the baby with black hair said and ran to her in a still uncertain pace, throwing himself around her legs and hugging her tight.

"Hello, baby, wow, so much love! It looks as if you haven't seen me in years!" Kuchel said giggling while Levi just hugged tighter. The two year old barely reached her knees, and was the delight between the prostitutes, even amongst the older and tougher ones, with his unbalaced pace in which he ran through corridors and avoided customers' legs, long and thin black bangs falling over his eyes and his adorably baby voice mumbling and mimicking all sounds and words he heard.

Sophia, the young prostitute that had looked over him, smiled at the child's spontaneous and cute reaction, her hands over her bloated belly.

"He was completely distracted, don't worry. We barely felt the time pass."

Kuchel did.

"Thank you, Sophia, I'll help you out too."

"Of course ya will, I'm expecting it," the other woman said playfully. A small frown fell over her plain face, fingers tapping on her belly. "I just hope she likes me as much as your kid likes you."

"You're set it's a girl?" Kuchel asked, picking up Levi from the floor to her lap. The baby curled his arms around her neck and rested his head on her shoulder.

"With my luck? Of course it is."

"Everything will work out, if it's a girl or not" Kuchel smilled reassuringly. "Levi, say thanks to Sophia."

"Tanks, Sofi," Levi imitated, taking a squeal and an 'aww' out of Sophia as well. He waved her goodbye while the two women exchanged smiles and kept his eyes wide and open, always looking at all the men and women that might be in the corridors or climbing up the stairs. He had the habit of entertaining himself by looking at everyone.

"Hey, Levi, you want a sweet?" Kuchel asked him, and the baby nodded vigoursly. Kuchel put up a big smile for him to interpret and copy. "Look!"

She took some coins the client had forgot to snatch up after slapping her and showed them to Levi, his eyes opening and he gasped, a similar expression to Kuchel's on his face and soft hands clapping.

"Look, money! We have money, Levi."

"Good, mommy!"

"It is, isn't it? Come on, let's buy something nice for you." It wouldn't be a sweet, of course. A piece of bread and butter was what Levi considered the most delicious 'sweet' he had ever tasted.

Kuchel wanted to avoid the pimp so he wouldn't complain about the small tip she had got, but calmly stepped down the stairs to not make it too much of the deal. A couple of prostitutes casually greeted Levi as they passed and he waved at them while talking in his own language.

"Mommy, boo boo," eventually, those words came out when Kuchel turned her hair over one shoulder, and he pocked a finger at her cheek. He couldn't pronounce the word correctly, as well as other words he caught from time to time, and Kuchel didn't mind it.

"It's alright, Levi, it doesn't hurt."

"Boo boo hurt."

"Don't worry. We're gonna eat! And don't forget to say 'please'!", she said enthusiastically, driving the baby's mind away from the subject. Levi nodded again, brushing clumsly the hair that fell over his eyes with his small hands.

It was a calm afternoon. As soon as they returned to their room, Levi squealed and ran to his toy, throwing it to the floor and himself after it. The bread was still on his hand, and soon he was licking dust and butter without minding. He called Kuchel loudly, showing her the glove Kuchel had handsewed each finger in a different color to make finger puppets, small black dots as eyes and curved line as a smile. It was his only toy, but he didn't complain.

"Akap!" he comanded the finger puppets, patting each one of them on the 'head'. "Akap pwease, food!"

"Let me help you waking them up," Kuchel put the glove on, each finger bringing a different simple character to life. She changed her tone as she spoke as one of them. "Hello, Levi! What is that you got there?"

"Eat!" He placed the bread over the finger puppet for Kuchel to pretend.

"Mmmmm yummy! Thank you, Levi!" The baby giggled and hugged the glove and all five friends tightly, squeezing Kuchel's hand inside.

They carried on the play for a little longer, each puppet with a different voice and character, and after Levi asked to pee (shouting 'Out!' to the pot immediately after and making Kuchel laugh under her breath. It was the only cleaning habit he had, but he fiercely imposed it. He didn't mind bitting the bread he had forgotten on the floor for a while, though), he tried to climb up the bed, grunting from the hard task. Kuchel beat him playfully on the butt and helped him up, laying next to him. She just sat there for a moment, looking at Levi playing with some dust he had found on the mattress, her mind both at peace and struggling in worry at his beautiful features. He was a very small child, very light too even though she tried to feed him every chance she got, and there was nothing to be done to the paleness, but he was a healthy child. And he knew he had to keep quiet at times, while still being lively all the other times.

"Levi," she called to pick up his attention. She had to call twice for his to lift his head, again hair over his face. She gently tucked the bangs behind one ear. She would have to trim the hair a bit, but she liked him with long hair. She never saw any foreign feature that might come from his father on his face, just hers. "Levi, remember what I told you about the sky?"

"Sky," he repeated.

"Yes, sky. The sky is uuup, up up there, very up there," she pointed up, and Levi turned his eyes to the ceiling. She giggled softly. "We can't see it, though, but it's veeeery big and blue. You remember what blue is?"

He took a moment where he was still focused on the ceiling before turning around, looking for the color. He pouted quickly, before turning to her and pointing to her face.

"Ha ha, yes, my eyes are blue. Levi's eyes too," He touched his face, groping in search of his eyes, which weren't really as blue as they were grey, but he didn't know. "The sky is very big and very blue. Up there, people have a sky, and sun, and clouds! And there's wind," she blew over his face, making him giggle when he hair waved over his nose.

Levi looked up again to the dark grey ceiling and lift his arm up. "Big."

"Yes, very big. The world is very big, you'll see it one day."

"Sky big."

"Yes, very well, Levi!" Kuchel clapped and incentived him to join her, but his eyes were locked in place.

It took her a moment to realize there was a knock on her door. She hadn't locked it, so an older prostitute peeked in.

"Olympia, oh, you have the kid here. There's a client coming, hurry up."

"Oh, yes, okay," Kuchel breathed out without even noticing. Levi looked down from the ceiling and the sky back at her. "Levi, you need to go now, alright?"

He pouted again. "No, sky."

"Levi, you know how it is, go on, you know where Sophia is, go to her."

The older prostitute had already left and the door was opened by a man this time. He wasn't very tall, and didn't seem like he had been drinking in the last couple of hours. At least he didn't reek like some.

Kuchel always tried to avoid having Levi nearby when she had clients - she never knew what type of person it would be - and didn't like to call him by name. "Go on now, please."

Levi stared at the man who had entered and kept the door opened behind him, and slowly climbed off the bed while Kuchel pulled the sheets back up and straightened them to keep the mattress protected.

"Hey, kid," he said nicely as Levi walked to him - the door, not him - in his uneven pace. "You go now, mommy has to work."

Levi stared back at him, and the man patted him on the head, ruffling his bangs while Levi complained. "Cute kid, you need to work that pace."

"He's going."

"He? You sure it's a boy?"

"I'm sure."

Kuchel pushed Levi gently outside and waved him. "Bye baby."

"Bye mommy," he waved too. His eyes turned to the man who was unfastening his seatbelt, the man made a quick gesture back at him. Kuchel closed the door as fast as she could, suddenly anxious, but heard her baby's voice right before she clicked the door shut. "Bye sky".

Sophia was standing nearby the door of her room, and noticed Levi standing in front of his. She called him and the baby turned his head around looking for the familiar sound.

"Hey, love, come here." Levi did as he was told and rested next to her leg. He was uncombed, and she quickly fixed his hair while the child's eyes fixed up, tiny mouth opened up. Sophia looked up as well, trying to see if there was a spider web or something that he had seen. "What is it, Levi?"

"Sky, big," and he followed to retale a whole story in a language that Sophia nor anyone else could made sense of, but it distracted him for the next couple of minutes.

.

to be continued

.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I had more time, I would make this a single chapter but it's easier for everyone if I make it in chapters. There will be 3 and this one turned actually bigger than I wanted.
> 
> Please point out the typos and mistakes, I have little time to type and it may escape me.  
> Thank you for reading, feedback is appreciated and hope to see you in the next chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the comments/favs/alerts IvyClare2020, AGEless777, DarkWolf-Nightmare, TheWolvenArcher, nyatche and Muff! And to everyone who takes time to read.
> 
> My comment here is more a personal rebuke than anything else. For those of you that have read my other child Levi fics (and those who haven't, I kindly invite you to, 'Choice' / 'Loss' / 'Decision', hopefully a new one in the future), I have mentioned that all of them are independent but are part of the same 'headcanon' if you will, so they form a continuity. In those fics, Kenny has found Levi at the age of 4, but in this current fic I changed it and that event would have happened when he's 6. I'm kind of annoyed at myself because this feels like an inconsistency to me, even though I am aware this will not in way affect your reading of this fic.
> 
> (I guess I can always defend myself and say that Kenny was wrong in Levi's age, but that's between me and Kenny).
> 
> Warnings: Keep in mind that everything Levi witnesses and suffers in the brothel is happening and seen through the eyes of a 5 year old child. There's different levels of violence, offensive language, mentions of murder-suicide, and we follow through this by first his point of view before switching to Kuchel. This chapter is long and makes use of the hurt/comfort ranking as opposite of the cute previous chapter.

 

"Come on, Levi, step to! Argh annoying brat."

Levi ignored Judy, one of the oldest ladies that disliked any form of disturbance that could happen within 5 meters of her - or maybe she just hated children. He was just returning from the kitchen of a nearby bar, licking butter off his fingers and tightly locking a piece of bread he had snatched on his hand. All he wanted was to get back to their room, he hadn't bumped on Judy or anything, but the woman always complained if he was too near. Screw her.

The brothel was busy today, even the ladies outside were talking with several of the men that came by. Levi had to swiftly avert the legs of the adults that barely saw him and that was when he had come too close to Judy and had to listen her yell at him. Levi passed by a couple that were glomped at each other right beside the door, the man grabbing at the lady's chest and making those sighs he was used to listening coming from the rooms, but ignored them and walked inside. The bad man without teeth didn't like the children to come in from the front door, but Levi had so far always been able to squeeze through without people really minding him.

The entrance seemed sweaty from all the people breathing inside. The chattering didn't seem like it would turn to screams or fights soon, even though the smell of alcohol was deep seated in the furniture and on the walls after the whole day that had passed by. He locked the bread against the side of his body to keep it out of sight, and moved around to reach the stairs going up to the first row of tight corridors where the ladies' rooms were. He was caught before that by one of the men employed by the bad man.

"Hey, kid!" he said lively, and Levi turned suspiciously, still hiding the bread. Those men always helped whenever there needed to be heavy lifting, or when the clients that came by started acting bad in the lobby. Or when the bad man without teeth wanted to punish the ladies. Levi didn't like any of them, nor this one by extension, even if he didn't seem too threatening. "Havin' a good day?"

"I guess."

"Ya wanna help around?"

Levi looked at the man sideways, intrigued. He was carrying one of those big wooden boxes that had rice or fruit inside, which would be good for him to snatch and save something for later, but he didn't seem to be needing much help.

"I'm not as strong as you," he said instead. His mom didn't like if he replied badly to people, so he either kept quiet or answered like that.

The man laughed and continued on his way to one of the corridors that led to the storage rooms, messing with his hair on the way. "Yeah well, ya will be, right? Better start working out!"

Not convinced and pouting from again someone putting their hands over him and making him feel tiny and ruffled, he climbed up the stairs and turned to the corridor. The moisture and sweaty walls never made him look twice, he had never known them differently. A little further ahead started the first rooms, and Levi passed by the doors without looking. He sometimes wondered if someone was hurt, given the sounds that came from them, but avoided peeking. He had peeked before, though, and only carried on more confused and worried.

On the other side was the small lobby that was the ladies' talking space, normally without clients but today there was one there and several ladies. The two sets of stairs were right next to the wall and everyone on the lobby could see him climbing, but as this was further into the brothel, no one cared. One of the ladies was coming down and as usual, tried to cuddle him or mess his hair, but this one Levi knew and duck his head before she could do that.

"You're getting feisty, Levi," she complained, annoyed as Levi knew she would be. She was younger, but always reminded him of Judy for some reason. They had the same thin dark blonde hair and same dirty fingernails. Levi didn't know her real name, just the one she used here. "You forget I know you since you were born?"

"I don't like it when people ruffle my hair," he replied simply, but then a hand with sharp nails locked around his thin arm and he nearly lost balance, stepping down a couple of stairs. She expected him to cry, but Levi didn't.

"Whatcha got there, huh?"

"Let go, Stella." He squeezed the bread and tuck it between his arm and his side, hiding it behind his back and making it more obvious.

"Whatcha stole, huh? Did you get into my room?"

"Stella, leave the fucking kid alone!" someone yelled from the floor bellow and Stella hissed but released him with a shove. The child stumbled against the steps behind him and scratched his elbow. The same woman from before added lower, but still intentionally clear for Stella to hear. "What the fuck is wrong with you."

"Aw, the lovely brat. Whatcha standin' there for, go to your mommy, you midget. She's finished already, so you can drool and snot all over her like the client has," she laughed at herself like she had made the funniest joke in the world.

Levi wanted to throw something at her. As he only had the bread tucked safely, he saved the thought for another ocasion. Stella was even meaner than Judy.

With everyone apparently bumping at him today, all he wanted was to get to the room, watch his mom have dinner and hopefully she could play with him before going to bed, if there weren't more men coming. He rushed and turned to their corridor, ignoring the closed doors until he got to theirs. The door was closed too but not locked - they couldn't either way - and in a hurry like he was he just opened it without knocking. His mom wouldn't mind because she would be alone washing or scrubbing the end of the cooking pot for some remain of food that both knew had been long scrubbed before.

The moment he heard the moans and grunts of a man and a woman and saw a naked man lying on the bed and moving against his mom, he knew he had done something he shouldn't and he froze in place.

"Get the fuck out, I'm bu-" the man started, hoarse voice and moving the same way before turning his head to the door. He didn't have many teeth either, and he was scary when his eyes widened and he stopped suddenly. "What the fuck kid, fuck off!"

Kuchel gasped again, this time in surprise and her head turned as well.

"Levi! Get out!"

"I'm sorry!" the air kicked his lungs and he jumped, turning his back to them and closing the door with a bang before throwing himself to the floor next to the door. He wanted to run and hide, but he didn't even think of running to the end of the corridor like he vaguely remembered doing when he was young and the lady Sophia was there. His heart pumped louder and louder and he couldn't think, just held on to the bread and tried to breathe the air that was now gone. This was bad, this was bad, he had messed up! He messed up, he shouldn't have come inside! He didn't know, he didn't think anyone was there!

He was used to have to come out when the men arrived, and he didn't like it; some men were scary and ugly, and all of them interrupted when he was playing or when Kuchel was telling a story. His mom didn't like it either, she prefered him already out before that. He could see how she would always get worried if one of the men moved towards him. But he had only once before entered the room when his mother was working. That time, she screamed too and grounded him later for ignoring her order not to come in. The man had been naked too, like this one, but that time he didn't seem angry or anything, only his mother got angry. This time though...

It was worse. There were screams coming from inside, the loud strange voice of the man he didn't know over the voice his mother. The man was saying a lot of curse words, and then there were louder grunts and gasps and sounds like the ones he heard in the other rooms, like someone was moving fast and the bed was being pushed down with force.

Levi cowered and held his breath, not knowing what to do. Was she getting hurt because of him? He felt tears threatening to flood his eyes just from thinking, but held them back. She was going to be mad at him again and ground him. He couldn't open the door again, and everyone knew you couldn't call someone when the men were inside, even the vague memory of Sophia he had was of her telling him so. The sounds were angry, like a monster, and his mom was hurting.

The door opened suddenly and caught Levi by surprise. The man was still cursing loudly and pulling his pants up, fighting to fasten them in place, and shout to his mother inside: "Fucking whores who don't know how to drown yer kittens!"

As he turned, he saw him on the floor and kicked him on the leg, missing part of the target and scaring Levi with the rash moviment more than hurting him.

"Get the fuck out of the way! I'll have my way on ya someday!"

The client rushed out the corridor, pushing another lady out the way. That lady didn't seem to mind it much, because she grinned at Levi and got along her way. Curse words be damned, Stella was a bitch.

Levi bit his lip. He untangled himself and stood up. Although his leg twitched, he was more worried than injured. Temptatively, he pushed the door, checking for sounds that might indicate his mother was ready to see him. Or that wasn't downright furious.

Or hurt.

"Levi, I know you're there."He wanted to cower again, but instead grew courage and entered, prepared for a big scolding.

His mother was standing up slowly from the bed, trying to pull up the sleeve of her dress at the same time, and the task was hurting her. Her breath was hissed through clenched teeth. The bed was messy, as was her hair, the room didn't smell right. Levi held his breath as well, seeing how carefully she moved and how she was bent over her belly.

"Mom, I'm..."

"How many times have I told you, Levi..." her voice was raspy. "You can't come in when there's clients!"

Levi wanted to ask, but his answer was right in front of him. The cloth of the dress glued to her skin on the top of her leg, wet and dark. She didn't notice. Levi scooted his eyes away and gulped his worry down. His mother didn't like if he talked about that.

"I brought you food..." he whimpered, guilt making him shrink again.

Kuchel looked at the child, eyes watering and bread smashed in his tiny fist. The loud sigh escaped her control.

"Levi, thank you. You... thank you. But, but you should have been more careful."

"Please don't be angry." She sighed again, which Levi took as a bad sign. "I'm sorry, even Stella had just said the man was gone, I didn't mean to cause trouble."

Kuchel blinked at the confession, but right now could not bring herself to think beyond the scared child in front of her, and how little at fault he was of the situation.

"Levi, I'm not angry because... I just don't want you to... see things, there's things you can't see, do you understand?" Her breath was failing her.

Levi hugged the bread, looking for comfort somehow.

"I know they hurt you."

"Levi, please don't..."

"All of them, I know. I've seen the other ladies too, I know what the clients do to them."

Kuchel prayed he didn't.

"I'm trying to protect you."

"You shouldn't do that by being stuck here!" His voice cracked, and he didn't want to talk about this, but it worried him so much, and had done so for a long time. "What did you used to say, that we would go out here and climb the stairs and see the sky? No matter how much you work, we can't even eat! Why do you keep doing this if it's hurting-"

A heavy bang on the door startled them both. Levi gasped and jolted towards Kuchel, holding her when she started to move.

"No, mom."

A loud and familiar male voice came from the outside, approaching as he came down the corridor and although muffled, the words were clear.

"Why the fuck are you knocking?!" and the fat pimp banged the door open against the wall, making Levi jump and grab Kuchel harder. He hid the bread by instict. The man came inside with the tall henchman behind, the one Levi had seen earlier. "Olympia, we've gotta problem."

"Sir, I..."

"It was me, I'm sorry," Levi cut and jumped up, trying to hold his mother's wrist, to what end he didn't exactly know. He was terrified, and knew he couldn't really protect his mom from the fat man, but he could attempt to shield her somehow.

"Sure as hell it was ya, ya fucking midget," the fat pimp spit and approached him, making Levi trip back a step.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"No, sir, I was the one who didn't lock the door, he's-"

"Shut the fuck up already! I only put up with ya whores' brats if they don't make me lose money..."

"He paid, didn't he? It was an accident, nothing-"

"Yeah, and if lots of johns start askin' if kids are gonna burst into them while they're fuckin' I'm gonna start sayin' they come with the price too!"

"No! It won't happen again! Stop!" The pimp ripped Levi off Kuchel and threw him against the wall. He managed to not hit his head, but his back pinched hard and he lost the grip on the bread, that fell down and rolled thankfully out of sight.

"Pretty lass looking as this one is, I could make a profit."

Again his heart was pumping hard, Levi was panicking, his mother was on the verge of tears and breathing badly, he knew he had screwed up! And the truth was, he was five years old, he didn't fully understand what was happening, only that his mom was scared and crying and that the bad man was hurting them. There was little he could do to stop that, but it was the only thing on his mind.

"Leave her be, alright? It was my fault!"

"Yeah, and ya're not gonna do that again," The teethless pimp towered over him, terrifying, and he clenched his heavy hand around his arm, pulling him from the wall against his fat belly and hurting him. The henchman held Kuchel back and hurt her too, Levi heard her cry, but then he was practically shoved outside, the force too much for a child to withstand and he tripped and fell to the floor with a loud thud, bruising his hands and knees.

"No! Leave him be, please, he's a child!"

"Stupid little brat," he threw his hand to Levi's hair and pulled him up, the pain burning so much he screamed and started crying. Kuchel begged him to stop from inside the room and tried to escape the grip of the henchman, but was just pinned back right before she could step out of the doorway.

Chaos enrupted in the corridor. The fat pimp punched Levi and held him up by the hair to stop him from falling and trying to curl for protection, the child's screams echoing enough to be heard down the corridor and some confused or curious people starting to show and see what was happening.

"Mom!"

"He's a child, please! Won't this hurt your business a lot more?!"

Levi fell down hard and saw the feet of the man turn before he heard a violent slap and a scream that wasn't his but hurt him a lot more.

"Stop!" he begged, crying on the floor.

By then, most of the prostitutes and clients near the corridor had noted one way or the other something was wrong and were peeking either from the rooms next door or coming up from the stairs. Some whispers and complains turned into a rumble of background sound, but that was it.

The pimp didn't mind it. He turned back at Levi, ignored the distress and tears and hit him across the face, and then time and again on the head and on the back when Levi managed to curl into a small whimpering ball. Eventually, the henchman approached and held the fat man with a hand over his chest.

"Boss, it's enough, he's a kid."

The pimp puffed and pant in anger, throwing a hand to his own head as if to straighten up his hair or clean some sweat off him.

"Well he's learned, hasn't he? Ya've learned to behave, little fucker."

A couple of prostitutes that had come closer stepped out of the way for the pimp and the henchman to leave, the man cursing and swearing loud as he dismissed the women, but even those said nothing after he was gone. Now that the affair was over, the women that hadn't come see before to not get caught in the cross fire started to peek, one of them a few doors down, opening just a slide on the door enough for her and a little girl to see Levi curled down and sobbing. Kuchel was sobbing too, sprawled on the doorway where the henchman had left her, holding her dizzy head from the hit, the screams and cries.

She coughed and tried to catch her breath, eyes drown in search for Levi. Someone appeared in front of her, keeping her from seeing Levi, and pulled her up roughly. She tried to push the person away, the fingernails hurting her arm.

"Stop that already, Kuchel," Judy said sharply. "Go fetch your kid and be quiet already."

"Levi," she called, pushing Judy out of the way. For one horrible moment, she feared the worst when she saw him on the floor, but he was moving, his body trembling in each breath. "My baby, are you alright?"

One of the clients who had witnessed the beating came out of a room and stepped right beside her without batting an eye.

"I'm so sorry, mommy..." Kuchel was able to breathe then, but immediately shushed him and held his head, pulling tangled bangs of hair aside in search for any bleeding. Her own head was throbbing and dizzy but she ignored it, all she needed to know was how badly he was hurt. She turned his face up, her hands wet before she could even see him. He was bleeding from the nose and his lip was cut and swelling, blood smudged between tears and snot.

"Let's go, Levi, can you stand?"

Judy was stationed at the door, the other prostitutes watching as well.

"Why the fuck would you have kids, Kuchel? Huh? Don't fuck our business."

"Shut up, all of you. Fuck off!" she ordered, picking up Levi on her lap, each of his groans hitting her chest like physical blows and working to numb her own real wounds. Kuchel lost balance as she straightened herself, her head flying. Judy was the one to hold her in place.

"Judy, please."

The older prostitute removed her hand with a grunt, sucking her smoke and eyes glued to her.

"I'm helping you, ungrateful cunt."

"I'm not your problem, please leave us be."

"Yeah, you're right. I'll keep an eye open for Stella though. You and your kid, I don't give a shit. You're gonna join Sophia faster than I am."

Kuchel was too tired. As soon as the other woman stepped aside, she led Levi inside and closed the door behind her, wishing more now that she could lock the door than before. The lamp had been left burning and was half melted, but would be more than enough for them.

"Are you nauseous? Are you feeling sick in any way, Levi?"

He waved his head softly, his beautiful tiny face covered in smudges.

"I'm tired, mommy."

"No, no, you can't sleep, okay, love? Not yet, you need to hold on a bit."

"I didn't want him to hurt you, I'm so sorry..." against anything Kuchel could do, Levi started to cry again. Kuchel swallowed hard and hugged Levi against her chest.

"I've told you, it's not your fault. You're a child, nothing that happens here is your fault, do you understand?"

The sobs continued, Kuchel cuddling Levi and trying to smooth the hair that had gone limp with sweat. She tried to stop the flow of tears with her fingers softly over his cheeks.

"You're bleeding, mommy," he said at a certain point. Kuchel paid it no mind and just smudged the blood off her face with her hand. Her own pain was dormant from worry and adrenaline and it was for the best.

When at last Levi calmed down, she searched for the small pot of water she used to wash herself. It wasn't clean, but she wasn't going to leave him here alone now. She picked up his sponge, tattered and frail from long use since he was a baby, dipped it and squeezed as much as she could, starting to clean the blood away. Levi's face was already swelling up and dark spots forming that would turn into bad bruises soon.

Her breath got caught in a lump on her throat while undressing him and washing his back. He looked so fragile, and he was so fragile, her little baby that would talk in an adorable language and cuddle her while she was sleeping. This was never meant to happen, none of this. The ribs clear through the skin weren't caused by one day, but from the years since he was born. It wasn't right, it wasn't fair.

She would never forgive Sophia for she had done, but she could understand the fear and the pain that drove her. The only thing mothers wanted was to keep their children safe, and down here with no sun and no freedom, it seemed like an impossible task.

"Are you feeling nauseous, Levi?"

"No. But it hurts, mom."

"I know, love, we're going to bed, you're going to rest."

She wanted to rip the sheets off. There was a recent dark red stain that had passed to the mattress. She did the best she could to cover it and stretched the remaining bedsheet. A wet sound from behind caught her attention and she turned, seeing Levi trying to dip his hand on the water and drink.

"No, Levi, it's dirty, don't drink."

"I know, but I'm hungry."

Kuchel surveyed the room hastely, finding the piece of bread that Levi had dropped. It had caught dust, but she whipped it swiftly and broke it in two parts.

"It's dirty too, mom."

"It's just dust, nothing wrong."

"But... blegh."

Seeing as a chance to try and distract his mind, she took strength from somewhere that could only exist outside her damaged body; it was right there in front of her. And so she smiled.

"The water is a lot worse that way. You used to eat butter and dust together as a baby, did you know?"

"Ah? No. I did?" Levi's brow frowned. "I know it's food, but blegh."

"There's nothing wrong with it. You can just spit the dust if it gets in the way." Kuchel giggled at his surprised expression, and finished wipping and dressing him. He quietly ate the bread without complaining. Kuchel wasn't hungry at all, just exhausted. The other half would be safetly kept for when Levi's growling stomach became physically painful.

He picked up the doll from over the table and took it to bed. The cloth toy was a prized possession and his remaining toy. Sophia had given it to him before smothering her child and hanging herself on the stairs.

"Can I sleep with her tonight?"

"Of course you can."

Levi climbed to the bed with effort and crawled to his side, tucking himself on the bed and squeezing the pillow, even if it made him whimper from the contact. Having him calm and safe now finally brought the ache from her injuries. More than the burning stab between her tighs, her dizziness sunk in her mind and screamed its urgency. But she rationalized it; everything was urgent, everything was impossible to change. _Just a little more. Rest and you can make it tomorrow._

"Mom?"

The sound brought her back. Kuchel was kneeling on the bed, lowering herself on her side slowly. Levi wasn't looking at her, thankfully, but rather at the ceiling. The moisture stain was expanding right above their heads. Again, urgency impossible the change. She tried to ignore each day how that might affect Levi's breathing in the near future.

"Do you think we could paint the ceiling?"

"We could try someday. It may help with the humidity."

"No, not really that. I want a view."

Kuchel layed down and looked up as well.

"Imagine," the child raised his hand. "It would make every day worthwhile, even if something bad happened. If we had a window, we could sleep beneath the sky with stars and sun."

Kuchel smiled, soothing his hair softly.

"The stars and the sun aren't together at the same time in the sky."

"Oh."

"There's too much light during the day, so you can't see the stars. When it's night, they shine."

"Can you tell me more, mom?"

"Tell _me_. How would you paint your window? With a blue sky or with stars?"

Levi's arm fell down in ponderation, humming his thoughts before raising his hand again.

"Um, blue. Big blue sky."

"I used to tell you that, remember? Although..." she added, cuddling next to him. Levi turned for them to be more comfortable and tucked together. She raised her arm next to his, sharing his imaginary. "If we had a _real_ window, we would get the sun right over us," Levi giggled when she pretended to tickle his face, "and the sun rays would hit us every morning."

"The sun hits us?" Levi asked suddenly, voice shaking.

"Oh no, no, Levi," Kuchel turned to him, cupping his face on her hand. It was already bruised, and would take weeks to heal. "No, it's an expression. The sun is light, light doesn't hit us, it's just there. We have little light here in the Underground, even less in our room." The candle light quivered as if on cue. "The sun is the brightest."

That seemed to reassure him. His eyes glanced sideways at the ceiling, confusion and interest mixed.

"So wouldn't it hurt our eyes?"

"Probably, before we got used to it. Then it would be alright."

The handmade doll pressed between them. Kuchel kissed Levi's head and hummed him good night, hoping he would find some rest on his hopes of a view.

He clearly was giving it a lot of thought. Kuchel was half asleep from pained tiredness when he was still sharply focused.

"Mom."

"Hm?"

"I don't need to see the real sky. I can just paint it."

"It's not as beautiful, Levi."

"But I don't want to see the sky if you have to keep working."

"Don't worry about that. It may take a while, but you will see the sky." _Or I'll die if it means you can._

"I don't mind if I don't. I'll just paint the ceiling when I'm taller."

After everything, she chuckled and breathed out. "Deal."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit disappointed with my writing in this chapter, but I am also under a huge time and mental limit for writing and typing. So this is what I can provide.
> 
> Thank you for reading, as well feedback and corrections are appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much difficulty writing this chapter. I thought night time would help me, then ended up having to again go to something of my own. Then thought music would help. Lo and behold, the music I picked ended up having more than nice voice and instrumental. It's the second time I find a random song that I like and that when I pay attention to the lyrics, they are a perfect mirror to what I'm reading or writing. I invite you to please listen to 'Blackbird' by Alter Bridge https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1QEM1pF6-cA
> 
> Thanks to Ravenfeather613, Oliver_Levi, Scripto and to everyone who reads!

 

"Hey, mom. I've been thinking and... and I don't want a window on the ceiling. I don't really want to see the sky anymore."

 

 

_The shocked gasp took about two seconds to turn into a high pitched squeal that made Kuchel laugh._

_"Whoaaah! It's awesome!"_

_"This is just a bit," Kuchel said, looking up the crevice over their heads. The breeze ruffled through her hair and made it look almost magical. Levi wanted to look at her, but couldn't stop looking up, eyes wide and his own hair waving over his face and tickling his neck._

_"So this isn't the whole sky?"_

_"No, it's just a bit we can see down here. If all these rocks went away and you looked up, you'd only see sky. That's how it really is up there." The long way Kuchel had led him through paid off, this place was awesome! It was like a cave, they would never be able to climb up there, but it was so bright! Even being here right now, Levi was already hoping and imagining the next time they'd come here. The rail way here was hard, he would get lost alone, but Kuchel knew it. He wouldn't mind having to walk for that long to get here._

_So that was the sky up there! He had blinked several times, covering his eyes with his hand, and the sun wasn't even up, all he could see was the light rays, just like Kuchel had said, they didn't hit you, they were just there. The dust looked beautiful, dancing and shining in the rays that shined through from the crevice to the ground. Levi tried putting his arm under one of them to try, and it was just warm, not harmful. The blue up there was really nice._

_"We can't stay long, I'm sorry, Levi."_

_"Oh, I see." Levi wanted more time here, but he didn't want to leave his mother sad. "It's awesome though! Thank you!"_

_It didn't_ _occur to him immediately that maybe this break time could..._

_"Wait, you aren't going to be hurt because you took me here, are you?"  
_

_Kuchel smiled and purposefully ruffled his hair._

_"Hey, mom!"_

_"It's alright, Levi. I told you we'd see the sky, didn't I?"_

 

 

"That time was enough, wasn't it? I couldn't live with the sky up my head, my eyes would hurt. Right?"

His breath got stuck on his chest and he coughed, ignoring it right away. His eyes turned up to the moisture spot.

"I'm sorry I annoyed you. We don't need blue there, it wouldn't really be a real sky either, so..."

 

 

_"Mom," he called softly. "Mom, can you play with me?"_

_Kuchel groaned under her breath, her beautiful face quivering from an ache Levi couldn't see or help with. She took a while to speak, Levi almost ready to try and call her again._

_"Mom's feeling tired, Levi..."_

_He bit his lip, squeezing the doll on his hand and nodding, saddened. It been so many days they hadn't played, he knew she was tired, but..._

_"Okay, sorry mom..." he said instead, soothing her hair and tucking one long lock under her ear and off her face, burried in the pillow beneath her. She breathed then and fell asleep, whimpers of pain crawling at her even then._

_Levi couldn't do something else to help her, so just let her sleep and cuddled her when the whimpers increased, sitting beside her on the floor and boringly turning Sophia's doll around._

 

 

"But wait, you like it, don't you? I wasn't annoying with you, you liked that we could have a window to the sky," Levi wanted to hit himself on the head. His chest heaved. "So-Sorry, mom, I'm dumb. I thought you could have been upset..."

They didn't have paint. So, maybe...

"If you want to, we could... we could just work with what we have. I've been thinking, and... see? See there? You said the night sky is just like that, right?" He lifted his arm up, hand open. "It's black, but there's thousands of stars in it. Maybe we could have stars there. And this way, the sun wouldn't hit us when we woke up. We wouldn't need money for paint, just use that big spot and try to have white dots. That's what stars are, right? When I'm taller, I can..."

 

 

_"Mom, wake up. Look, food."_

_Kuchel's breathing quivered, but she didn't wake up. Levi gluped and squeezed the half eaten piece of bread he had snatched. He had stolen a bit of the crumb for himself, his stomach growling too loud, but everything else was for her._

_"I'm sorry, I could only get this. But it'll make you feel better, try it."_

_He tried lifting her head a bit from the pillow, only to grunt at his weak arms. He held on the straining and tried to push the bread to her mouth. Her eyebrows frowned._

_"Levi?"_

_"Yes. Eat, mom."_

_Was the bread too stiff for her to be able to eat? Of course, dumb, he hadn't picked up a good piece..._

_"Wait," Levi bit the bread and ripped a small piece, chewing it hastely. He carefully put the bread crumb on the tips of his fingers and used them as spoon to Kuchel's mouth. "You don't have to chew, try this."_

_He pushed his fingers until his mother grunted and parted her lips. He helped her to and waited until she could swallow. Levi bit a slightly bigger piece of bread and repeated, incentiving her to continue._

_"It's good, isn't it, mom? You want more?"_

_Her forehead was sweaty, her breathing shallow. Levi swallowed hard, but continued with soft reassuring words._

_Kuchel coughed several times, but ate everything he gave her. She breathed in again, trying to open her eyes. Levi hushed her not to and cuddled her hair._

_"Thank you, Levi."_

 

 

"If I scrubbed the black away, would I get white dots? Or maybe I'd just make it rain over us and we'd get sick. I... see, I-I don't need a view or anything. Maybe we're fine like this. Right?"

 

 

_"Mom. Wake up. Wake up, please. Food."_

_He shook her, tapped her shoulder, cuddled her face and her hair._

_"Mom? I want you to play with me, please, you need to eat."_

_He shook her harder, trying to breathe each time._

_He couldn't._

_"Mom?"_

 

 

"Right, mom? I-It's fine like this. Mom?"

His arm fell down against his chest when he failed to inhale. His mouth gaped in an attempt to help him breathe between the sobs. He tried raising his arm again, his hand a messy confusing spot through the water and almost looking like two arms. The tears fell through the sides of his face into his hair and cleared any illusion he might have had and then more tears tickled over his nose when he turned his head on the pillow, maybe trying to see if she was asleep.

It was hard to breathe, he couldn't hold back the coughs that only made more tears fall. His stomach wasn't rumbling now, he had given up on trying to pry the crumb glued at the floor, and next time the pain hurt so much he could scream, he would just curl around himself and wait for it to be over.

It was too hard to breathe, his body hurt from the coughs. He was forced up, clenching his teeth hard at his weakness but he couldn't breathe in the bed. He crawled off, falling to his knees and over his shoulder on the floor like he had done in the first hours or days after she stopped moving. He could see shadows of steps outside, from the gap between the floor and the door. The tears tickled his face and the dust scrubbed his throat, making him cough again.

He didn't want light. He didn't want sky, or sun, or stars, or anything else.

He crawled back to the wall and closed his eyes, away from the light from beneath the door and away from the color he had imagined in the ceiling.

He didn't want anything. He didn't want to see the sky, he told her. He just wanted her out of here together with him.

So if she was going to stay here, so would he.

He didn't want any sky.

 

.

the end

* * *

_The cycle of suffering goes on but the memories of you stay strong_

_Someday I too will fly and find you again_

_Let the wind carry you home_

_Blackbird fly away_

_May you never be broken again_

_Beyond the suffering you've known_

_I hope you find your way_

_May you never be broken again_

'Blackbird' ~ Alter Bridge

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could quote the whole fucking song, man. Thank you.  
> I hope you like the chapter. I ended up writing it in a single go. And that was a very intentional parallel between baby Levi trying to wake up the puppets in chapter 1 and Levi trying to wake up Kuchel here.
> 
> My fic 'Choice' can be read a direct follow up to this.
> 
> Thanks for reading, see you around.


End file.
